Calories

Makan malam.
Aku: What did you have for lunch?

Dia: McChicken

Aku: Do you know that McChicken has more calories than Big Mac?

Dia: I need the extra calories.
(kemudian, dia pandang aku. Tenung aku)

Dia sambung, "Er, but you don't."

(Pada mulanya aku ingin merajuk, hanya order Salad tanpa ayam, dengan warm water, akan tetapi, warm water tiada di dalam menu, jadi aku tukar kepada Sparkling Apple. Aku makan Salad tanpa ayam aku, akan tetapi aku curi ayam dan french fries dia. After dinner, kami jalan-jalan dan aku terlihat Ice Cream Wrap yang enak. Dan aku makan. Boleh ke merajuk sebegitu?)

Secret

Knock. Knock.

"Who's there?"

Ayu.

"Ayu, who?"

Ayu-worth-fighting-for?

That Was Then

Aku duduk seorang diri.
Teringat kisah dahulukala.
Tersenyum.
Terkilan.

Kami pergi kelas Agama.
Ustaz mengajar kami tentang buah-buahan di syurga.

Ustaz itu kata, "Se-enak enak buah di dunia, no matter how far you go, and how expensive you pay, it will never compare to the taste of the fruits in Heaven."
Balik dari kelas Agama,
Aku terima teks dari dia,
(And, yes, I still keep them)

"Just like fruits from heaven, se-enak enak segala buah-buahan di dunia ini, tiada tandingan dengan sebiji buah di syurga,
And so is my love for my annoying girlfriend; future wife. Beyond comparison."

And, like I said,
Tersenyum.
Terkilan.

(That was, then)

Pandai Pula Berkata-Kata

Aku pandang driver kereta, Bumblebee.
Expressionless.
Driving.
Focused.

Tiba-tiba, sebuah kereta memotong kereta kami.

Out of nowhere.
Rude.

He started to curse, "Motherfucker."
Dia kata, dengan nada bersahaja.

Expressionless.
Aku ketawa, sambung, "Ka-na-sai!!"

Dia, pandang aku, geleng kepala.

Dia jawab, "Astafirrullahalazim."

(Isn't he the cutest?)

Character Hidup: Bee

Hari ini, I baca, BumbleBee (bukan nama sebenar) telah mula blogging, akhirnya.

Katanya, ikut jejak langkah Tun Mahathir (walaupun isi kandungan blog Smeagol, bukan nama sebenar, adalah lebih ke arah terrorism), tapi I tahu,
I tahu,
I adalah sumber inspirasi dia mula menulis blog. (hahaha *wtf)
Iya,
kerana I tahu semua bom bom bahasa Inggeris di dalam blog dia juga, adalah di tujukan khas untuk I.
Jangan NAK DENY.
Aku terima bom bom bahasa Inggeris kau.
(haha **wtf)

Character hidup aku, BumbleBee

You either Make it or Break it

Aku dan dia, kami memang berbeza.




Principles, Ideologies, Habits, Hobbies.



How we talk, communicate.
What we do, how we think.

Aku kata, "We're totally opposite of each other. Do you think that our differences will break us up?"

Bermuka poker, dia jawab, "We're totally opposite of each other. But we have one thing in common. We love each other. And that; will never break us up."

(All the lovers can say "Awww.." and all the haters can say "Ewwwwww" now :)

You Can't Top This

Two of my most favorite boys; in the whole world.

Puasa

Bulan depan; kita akan mula berpuasa.

********************************************************

Aku kata, "Bee, you practice puasa ya, this year?"

"No, tak nak.
Everyday, I want to EAT, DRINK and SMOKE in front of you."
Dia kata, sambil beri aku evil laugh.

-_-

Sacrifice for Love

Today, my laptop crashed on me.

Kemudian NN kata, "Your computer just made the ultimate sacrifice."

Aku tanya, "What do you mean by that?"

NN sambung, "Coz dia korbankan diri dia (crash), so that you can go and buy the new iMAC."

I like love her theory.
My laptop making the ultimate sacrifice.
Obviously we have to honor her death.
(I decided the laptop to be female; because she was always such a bitch to me.)

"Dear Laptop,
After all the years we've been together,
it's awfully sweet of you to sacrifice yourself so I can buy the new iMac.
If this is your dying wish; I will try my level best to fulfill it.
To honor you.
Rest in peace."

Dear iMac,
With you around,
This will be a hell of a funeral.

Bonus

"Does this mean that I'm allowed to buy more shoes now?"

Don't Let Go Jack

The Iceberg theory.

You stereotype and judge people from what you see.
The surface.
The tip of the Iceberg.

You see something, and you make your own assumptions.
Assumptions based on instinct; based on what you think you know.

But, that's just what you see.
The tip of the Iceberg.

So be careful when you assume, label, tag, stereotype or judge someone.
Because you only see the tip of the Iceberg.

Dari mata kasar, Iceberg itu nampak kecil dan harmless,
But you do not know what's under the surface of the ocean.
A solid FOUNDATION of ice, that would take you down in a split of seconds.

Like Titanic, the greatest ship of all,
Karam juga kerana misjudge the Iceberg.

So, before you ASSUME, LABEL, TAG, STEREOTYPE, or JUDGE someone,
Tolong kaji what's underneath the TIP of the ICEBERG.

Before you end up rotting in ice.

Konsep Hidup

Di dalam Islam, Talak adalah di tangan lelaki.

Aku pun kurang pasti with the right reasoning behind this,

But setahu aku, it's because
1) Lelaki adalah ketua keluarga
2) Lelaki adalah lebih rasional berbanding dengan perempuan

Talak adalah sesuatu yang tidak boleh diperlekehkan atau di sebut secara "main-main".
Sebab itu jugalah di dalam Islam, seorang perempuan itu hanya boleh diceraikan dengan suami (yang sama), sebanyak 3 kali.
Dan jika jatuhnya Talak untuk kali ke-3, no way hozey you can marry the same woman again; well unless; she marries another man, then divorces the man after she sleeps with the man, and then marry you again.

Jadi, Talak bukan sesuatu yang boleh di lafazkan ketika marah, benci, sakit hati, kecewa atau sebagainya. Jika mahu melafazkan talak, ia harus di dalam keadaan rasional, setelah di bawa berbincang, di fikirkan masak masak.

Jadi, jika anda seorang lelaki, dan anda masih belum berkahwin, jangan jadi seorang lelaki yang gila talak. Jangan jadi macam perempuan, gaduh sikit nak mintak break.
Ingat, Talak di tangan lelaki. Anda harus jadi lebih rasional.

Konsep ini sama; kerana konsep ini yang anda akan bawa ke alam perkahwinan kelak.
Sila ambil kira.

(Kemudian dia kata, "But I'm not a muslim, so the theory is not applicable to me." Ha. Bijak)

Selipar

Travel Guide:
Jika kamu seorang perempuan; dan kamu pergi bercuti dengan sekumpulan manusia bertenaga yang memakai sports shoes; sila jangan pakai high heels.
I don't know how Paris Hilton does it.

Anyway; no problem.

Kita cari selipar selesa!

(Note: I beli selipar baru kerana situasi; bukan kerana nafsu. Hahahaha wtf)


Now let's walk !

Pesanan Penaja

In 1 hour; H will be arriving at my doorstep.

"Backpacking ke Singapura," kata aku.
Aku berdiri menanti H, bersama Fedora Hat dan SPF-45.

Tapi apabila H lihat size beg yang aku bawa,
"You call this backpacking?" dia kata, sambil geleng kepala.

"Yes, backpacking; Paris Hilton style."

Tauge Incident

Sunday mornings;

I usually wake up quite early (regardless of what happened on Saturday night);

Pergi pasar untuk Mama.

Aku tidak begitu ambil kisah untuk pergi ke pasar;

Kerana aku punya 'bodyguard' untuk carry all the things I bought.

Bodyguard itu adalah seorang budak lelaki baru baligh bernama Loser.

Thank you.

Dan kini dia baru dapat lesen memandu, jadi aku ada bodyguard dan driver.

Thank you.

Dahulu; aku pergi pasar seorang diri.

Aku mula heret Loser untuk pergi ke Pasar bersama aku; kerana 1 incident.

"The Tauge Incident" - hahahaaha wtf.

Setiap kali aku pergi beli Tauge, Abang jual Tauge; dia pasti pandang aku in a very weird way.

Aku juga notice, Abang Tauge selalu mengekori aku di pasar.

Dia agak, pelik.

Aku jadi, rimas.

Suatu hari, sedang aku asyik bermain bersama Aliff di rumah; ada delivery.

One dozen of red roses.

Dia tulis "I knew you were special from the first time I met you."

Signed, Abg Tauge.

A month later; I was out for lunch with NN.

As I parked my car; I saw him, Abg Tauge.

When he saw me, HE RAN AWAY!

I thought that was weird.

Well, NN & I went for lunch.

As I was just about to pay for lunch;

Then waitress said, "Abg Tauge settled it."

Jadi aku bawa mula heret Loser untuk ke pasar bersama aku.

Aku avoid beli Tauge di kedai Abg Tauge itu.

Aku beli di kedai Tauge sebelah.

(Tapi Tauge kedai sebelah not as fresh as Abg Tauge's Tauge.. But we win some; loose some, NO?)

Hahahahaha tauge pun jadi issue.

Anyway, again, wtf am I writing this NOW?

Well on Sunday; I went to Pasar, ALONE.

Lagi sekali aku avoid untuk beli Tauge dari Abg Tauge.

Aku proceed minding my own business, beli apa yang patut.

Kemudian; aku pulang.

But Noooooooooooooooooooo.

Cuba teka apa ada di atas kereta aku?

Yes. That's RM0.50 worth of FRESH TAUGE from Abg Tauge.

And a FLOWER.

Romantic jugak kan Abg Tauge ni?